Alone
by NightHawk921
Summary: eventual 2x1x2, torture. Heero finds himself in an Oz prison
1. Alone

Warnings: eventual 1x2, and future torture  
  
Disclaimers: Not mine, never will be  
  
Reviews are strongly encouraged. This was my first fic ever so ANY kind over review flame or rave would be most welcomed. And please let me know if I should continue with this or if I should trash it and try another.   
  
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Prolog:  
  
Lonely. It was always lonely. Even though I lived with the other pilots I didn't know them, and they didn't know me. Sure I was the inhumane bastard, the coldhearted killer, the emotionless psycho. But was I really? To everyone else I was a mystery, defined only by my actions, not by my character. Duo was the only one who tried to get to know me, but he used charm and humor. Two things I don't relate well with. I always thought I'd get along the best with Trowa. He was just like me, or so it seemed. But then I saw it. The look in his eyes when he was with the lions. He loved them. He loved that life. He belonged there. I belong no where. After the war I have nothing. I'll disappear, fade into nothingness. No one will miss me, because no one knew me. I won't like long after the war. A lost cause without hope, what chance to I have. I'll probably become a drunk and druggie. End up overdosing or crashing 'cause I was too drunk to realize what I was doing.   
  
Course, that's what I had thought, until the day I found myself caught in an Oz prison with no chance of escape. 


	2. Encounter

Warnings: rape (male x male) its sort of graphic but not really, If you don't like don't read   
  
Disclaimer: check someone else's fic, I'm sure it will be the same  
  
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Chapter 1: encounter  
  
The cell was unlike anything I had ever been in before. Not only was it dark and damp, but its lengths were 5x5x5. At the ripe old age of 17 my almost 6 feet made it impossible for me to stand or stretch. For a week I was locked in there with no contact other than a hand which gave me a cup of water and 3 slices of bread each day. Time drifted by slowly in there, I worried about the guys. I hope they were OK and hadn't gotten caught like me. It was a routine mission, infiltrate an Oz base, collect data on their new weapons and blow it up. However Oz had been waiting for us. There were 4 times as many troops as we had organically been expecting, however we had not realized this until we were already in the base, trying to get out. It's all a blur now. All I know is I was running as fast as I could to get out of there with about 20 Ozies chasing me. The next thing I know is there are even more Ozies running towards me! I was trapped. I had already emptied my magazine and I was to close to use any grenades. It was useless, I didn't even put up a fight. Maybe I should have. Now I don't know what is going to happen. I really hope the others are safe, and I hope they don't come looking for me. I believe I'm still in the Oz base we infiltrated, but I don't think the troops have lessened. It must have been a set up. That's the only thing that makes any sense. But how did we not detect it?  
  
Lost in my thoughts I hadn't realized the door had opened and a rather large man was bending down trying to look in and see my huddled form in the corner. The flashlight is what brought me back to life. After being in darkness for so long, the flashlights bright light made me flinch away trying to cover my eyes. I could hear the soldiers behind him laughing.  
  
"Cuff him and bring him with me," the large man ordered.  
  
Two soldiers ducked into the cell, walked over to my stooped form and roughly yanked my hands behind my back before cuffing them. Then they pulled me up and brought me into the hallway. I was having trouble standing from the lack of use of my legs. I felt helpless as I was half pulled, half dragged to wherever I was being taken.   
  
We ended up in a plain white room with mirrors all along the walls. The only thing in it was a table with straps on it.   
  
"Take his shirt off," the large man commanded. The soldier on my right took a chunk of my shirt in his hand before forcefully ripping it off of me. As the large man looked me up and down, with a look of lust in his eyes, I could help but shudder under his gaze. I looked away from him and caught my reflection. I looked even thinner than I usually did. There were dark circles under my eyes, and my ribs seemed to be popping out more. My face also looked more bony and pronounced. There were dirt smudges all over me. For some reason I couldn't stop thinking that this was supposed to happen, that I deserved this. That whatever this Oz general was going to do to me was somehow justified by all the lives I have taken. I looked to the floor. I couldn't take it anymore. I was worthless, nothing better than the common mosquito, except I was worse. I didn't suck a little blood from people to support my young, I drained the blood of the young. Of the men and women who had families. I had killed millions of people and I wasn't even old enough to legally drink yet! What type of monster am I? I can't complain about anything that happens to me because no one cares for me. No one will be weeping over my corpse like I have left many families to do for their own. No, instead of weeping they will rejoice. This is how I will replay them. I will endure anything I am put through, I will not surrender or cry. I will suffer through it. I will not take the easy road out. I can't. not now.   
  
"Strap him to the table"  
  
The order brought me out of my thoughts. I had been doing that a lot lately, getting lost in my thoughts. That's probably how I got caught. I stayed a little to long in one place thinking about something. I was getting soft.  
  
My two escorts brought me to the table, where one of them effortlessly lifted my thin body onto the table. Straps went around both my wrists and ankles, and finally one went around my waist. I was unable to move. The only thing I could move was my head, so I turned it away from the large man.   
  
"Leave us" as the soldiers left the room and shut the door, the large man walked over to me.   
  
"Such a beautiful child. I wish you were mine… Oh, but wait! You are!" the large man started laughing deeply, sucking in large quantities of air. I hoped he would choke on it, but before he had the chance to he calmed down enough to look me over again. He placed his large hand on my face and moved it so we were staring eye to eye. I shut my eyes so I would have to see his big face. He had large brown eyes, a very wide nose, and yellow teeth. His hair was turning gray and he had a matching whisky beard to go along with it.   
  
He ran a finger over my lips, brushing them lightly. I tried turning my head away, but he caught it before I could.   
  
"Oh no you don't, little one. I'm going to have some fun" He smiled evilly before leaning down to press his lips to mine. His tongue ran along my lower lip and then darted inside my mouth. I was so startled by his moves I brought my teeth down hard on his tongue. He screamed and moved away from me.  
  
"Why you sneaky Son-of-a-Bitch!" before I knew what was happening he moved one of the mirrors to display a case of objects. He pulled what looked to be a whip out and walked slowly over to me, blood lining his lips.   
  
"You want to play ruff huh?" He laughed once before bringing the whip down over my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut, I was determined to not make a sound. He repeated this four more times. I didn't make a sound. He looked disappointed but then decided I was more uncomfortable with physical touching than with pain so he walked back over to me. He lowered his head to my chest and started blowing on the fresh wounds, the hot air coming from his mouth did nothing to stop the stinging, it only aided in allowing the blood to move around my chest more. Then ever so slightly he lowered his head and started licking the blood. I thought I was going to be sick. He did it slowly, running his tongue over the slashes, and lapping up the blood. After a while he must have gotten bored because he started to nip my skin with his teeth, before actually biting it. Finally he stopped. I was breathing a little harder than usual, but other than that I wasn't doing anything unusual…until I felt his hand move down my chest to rest at the band of my boxers. He ran his finger along the edge, before slipping one finger under them. This is where my hole plan no not showing anything failed. I gasped. I tried to pull away, but all I managed to do was rub my skin raw where it was strapped down and bring up a laugh from my captor. I was going insane! I was scared that this man was going to rape me! I didn't know what to do, but I knew I couldn't let him do that. There had to be some way to make him stop.  
  
"Like that boy?"  
  
"….No"  
  
"No? Well, isn't that to bad."  
  
Before I knew what was happening he pulled by boxers right off. He just stood there looking at me, and his eyes, I will never forget his eyes, they were so full of emotions: lust, love, possession, greed, need. I was more scared than I had started off being. This day was just getting worse and worse. I could see a bulge growing in his pants, and I swallowed hard. He reached out a hand and placed it on my knee. Then slowly moved it up my leg, in between my thighs, until he reached my 'package'. He started stroking it and playing with my balls, and the scary thing was that I was reacting to him. I could feel myself getting hard, no matter how much I mentally yelled at myself and was disgusted with myself, it didn't stop.  
  
"Oh, so you do like that, boy." The large ugly repulsive man said. Now I was really frantic. I wanted to cry but I couldn't remember how to. I wanted to yell for someone to come and save me, but who would I yell for, other than the other pilots there was no one, and I didn't want to give the others names. We were still referred to by our Gundam numbers, I wasn't going to be the one to change that. I wanted to scream, but that shows weakness and would only worsen the situation. So instead of doing something I did nothing. I let it happen like I told myself I was going to do in the beginning. I closed my eyes and tried to shut everything out. Before long I felt something at my opening but I still didn't stir. Suddenly a sharp, painful pain ran through my body, then pulled out and plunged back in. I eventually blacked out from the sever amount of pain. When I woke up my bum hurt like hell, and I found myself back in my cell with nothing but my boxers on. They ripped my shirt and didn't even give me a new one. I was so cold. Cold and in pain. Cold, in pain, and lonely. 


	3. Liberation

Warnings:  
  
Disclaimers: same old thing. Story is mine though!   
  
If you haven't figured it out by now, its in Heero's POV.  
  
**o yeah and when I typed organically in the last chapter it was supposed to be original. U might find some funny spelling mistakes like that in my stories.**  
  
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Chapter 2: liberation   
  
I couldn't move. Everything hurt. I had bruises all over my body and I couldn't remember how I had gotten them. I couldn't sit either. I spent my time lying in the cell on my stomach, not moving. They had gone back to isolation with me. I don't know how long it had been this time. I stopped caring. I figured I was the only one they had captured. There were no clues to point otherwise. I hoped I was right. I didn't think I was going to make it out of here, but the world needed us. The colonies needed us. I was one pilot, even though 5 pilots is better than 4, the others are strong enough to carry on without me. I know I was like the leader of the group. I never asked to be. I always felt Wufei would have been a good leader, but he gets to emotional over justice. But he knows how to lead, and he is one hell of a fighter. The other person who I would have thought to be the leader would have been Quatre. He seems to know everything about everyone. He connects to them and understands them. He doesn't push them past their limits and knows when to back down, but he also knows how to push people so that they work harder than they ever thought they could. I don't know why he didn't become the leader. He might seem weak and puny, but put him on the battlefield and he tears it up! What is so good about me that everyone looked up to? I'm antisocial, I don't show any emotions or remorse when anything happens to the other pilots. Sure I'll do everything I can to help them or save them, but I won't try to comfort them. All I'm good at is the missions, that's it. A leader has to be good at more things than just the missions. All of use can accomplish any mission set before us, well almost any. I didn't ask to be the one they looked up to, hell, I tried to get them to see I wasn't good for the job. But they didn't notice my plea to not lead, they though I was agreeing with the unspoken, they thought I wanted the control, power and satisfaction of leading.   
  
I was becoming uncomfortable in my current position. I was lying on my stomach, stretched as much as possible on the floor. My head was resting on my arms, which were folded under it. My legs were bent at my knees and my feet were resting on the wall. I had been lying this way a lot lately. God, what I wouldn't do to just stretch out completely. I would tell my captors anything just for that little peace. But I knew that wasn't possible. I could never tell them what they wanted. Too many people would get hurt. I was one person, nothing that happens to me matters. The pain and discomfort I receive will save millions of lives.   
  
I heard the sound of keys in a lock, and then saw the door to my cell opening. I shuddered briefly, not wanting to leave the safety of the cell. But the figure looked different from the soldiers or large man that had come in before. Standing in front of me was a rather slim figure in an officers suit. Something about his posture reminded me of Trowa. I saw him bend down, his strong fingers wrapped around my thin arm and yank me up hard. My wounds were still a little raw so it hurt to stand and put pressure on them. I wouldn't look at him, but I could feel him slightly shaking as he looked me over. "……Heero…" it was a whisper, it barely made it to my ears. I looked at him then, his one visible green eye showing more emotions than I had ever seen him give. When our eyes met I saw his widen slightly. I looked at him with what must have seemed to be dead eyes. They showed no emotions, nothing. My face was completely blank to all who saw, but just under the surface, if one dared to look that close they could see my pain. It was right there, I had no control over it, I was unable to shove it to the back anymore. It was a constant reminder to me now of how monstrous I truly was. Trowa closed his eyes and lowered his head. "We have to get out of here before they notice your missing." He said. It was a little louder this time, but I still had to strain a little to hear everything.   
  
I followed Trowa through the base. My prayers had been answered, I had been the only one who had been captured that day. Trowa had gone in undercover to find out where I was and take me out. As we walked he told me what had been going on for the past two and a half weeks. I couldn't believe it had been that long and I was half listening to him, I was to tired and all my muscles were screaming to stop from the lack of use. I grunted every once in a while to let him know I was still alive.   
  
He never let go of my arm.  
  
We made it outside of the base and into the woods. It was night time. There was no moon. A good night to make a rescue attempt, no extra light to give away our positions. Trowa's Gundam was hidden a mile away from the base in a cave. His was the only one there.  
  
"Sorry Heero, but your going to have to sit in my lap. We didn't know what condition you would be in when we got you out so we didn't bring your Gundam."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Trowa's Gundam was kneeling down so it wasn't all that hard to get in. The hard part was sitting in his lap. First Trowa climbed and sat down then he looked at me. His eyes looked sorrowful. I wonder how long he had been undercover there, and if he knew about what had happened. I really hope he didn't. I didn't want it to look like I was uncomfortable with this situation so I climbed in as well and sat across his lap. He buckled us in. I was to tired to stay awake for the trip and I didn't want to be conscious of what was happening so I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. When I opened them Trowa was landing Heavyarms. I was glad we were there, the close proximity to Torwa was starting to get to me. I just wanted to get away. To have my own space. I felt trapped and wanted. My breathing became a little more rapid and I my eyes started going blurry. I was becoming frantic. I needed to calm down.   
  
Trowa landed the Gundam and unbuckled us. The minute the hatch opened I was off his lap and outside. It was now daytime. The sun was shining brightly overhead. The birds where chirping happily in the tall trees that surrounded one of Quatre's safe houses. A cool air blew flew the trees and I was entranced by the beauty of the property. The air smelled like spring and I closed my eyes, enjoying this simple bliss. Trowa's hand on my shoulder startled me. I twirled around quickly to knock his hand off before I realized what I was doing. If Trowa noticed my jumpy state he didn't say anything about it.  
  
"Come on, the others have been worried about you, they'll be glad to know your back, and you'll be able to get some real rest now."  
  
He turned and started walking to the house. I took in the sights of my surroundings once more, enjoying the simplicity of it once more, before following him to the house.   
  
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Before we even got to the house I saw the front door fly open and a figure with a long braid run out and head in our direction. Duo sprinted, in what must have been his fastest time ever, over to us and threw his arms around me knocking us down. I fell on my bum and Dup landed on top of me. Pain shot through me, but I refused to let out a sound. But I'm sure I made a face, either that or Trowa did know what happened to me because he immediately tried to get Duo off of me.   
  
Duo's arms were wrapped tightly around my waist and his head was buried in my shoulder. I couldn't hug him back even if I wanted to because his arms were wrapped around them as well. If I had been able I would have pushed him off myself. I'm not one for hugs, nor close contact, which I seemed to be getting a lot of lately. Duo was acting very strangely. I couldn't understand why he would show such emotions towards me. I had always acted the coldest to him because he always tried to pry into my life and find out stuff. He also talked much more than I thought a person capable of doing, and I didn't want to be around someone like that. I was known to get headaches when I was with him for to long.  
  
Finally Trowa, with the help of Wufei, was able to pull Duo off of me. Who, it turned out, had been crying. His face was damp and there were two little wet spots on my shirt. I was dumbfounded. Crying…Duo…I was really lost now. Duo never cried, why would he be crying for me. GOD I was so confused, I hated it! Why were people so confusing? What is with them. Why can't they act the way you want them to act, or the way you expect them to act? Why do they always have to go and do something you weren't ready for or weren't expecting? And why did the seem to be the only person who couldn't connect with others, who was afraid to connect? Why was I destined to be alone? 


	4. Friends?

Warnings: yeah, sorry, I forgot to put them in the last one, but I don't really think there were any besides angst. This one might have some 1+2 or maybe 1+someone else. I donno, could be a possible lime. But I haven't really thought everything out yet. Kinda take it as it comes! I donno how many people like this story, but I am having a lot of fun writing it. I hope to be done soon, course I don't even know how long I'm going to make it. I have an idea but I usually get carried away with my ideas. We'll see  
  
Disclaimer: Story mine, everything else is someone else's.  
  
Sorry the chapters are so short. I'm trying to write a long one, but I don't want to change topics to much in each chapter. It depends though, its kinda annoying to upload these chapters, so maybe I'll start combining them. We'll see…  
  
On to the Fic  
  
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Chapter 3: Friends?  
  
After the little encounter outside, Quatre showed me to the room I would be staying in. I was grateful. I just wanted to get away from everyone, and spend some time to myself. Even though that's what I had been doing for the past two and a half weeks, I could now think in peace and in comfort. I was also not ready to face the guys. I was sure they were going to ask me what had happened, and I didn't want to tell them. I know Trowa told them something, but I don't know how much or what of. I didn't want to ask him either, afraid I might spring up suspicion if he hadn't known about the encounter. I curled up in a big plush arm chair by the window and contented myself by staring out into the yard. I don't know how long I sat there, but I do know that I sat down with the sun still out shining, and when I herd the knock on the door, it was dark outside.   
  
"Heero, I brought you some food." Came Trowa's soft, mellow voice.  
  
"Come in"  
  
I didn't move. Trowa opened the door and walked in. He walked over to where I was sitting and put the plate of food and glass of water down on the table next to the chair I was sitting in.  
  
I was hungry. I hadn't had anything of substance the whole time I was in a oz base. In fact after the 'encounter' they reduced my three slices of bread to one and a half a day. The smell of food drifted to my nose and made my stomach growl. But I refused to eat it. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't think I had the strength to lift the fork to my mouth and chew the food and swallow it without making a mess. I just wanted Trowa to leave so I could eat my own way without someone watching me. I never liked being watched. But I was getting a lot of that too lately.   
  
"Come on Heero, you have to eat" he tried to coaxed me.  
  
"I will."  
  
"Do you need help?"  
  
"No"  
  
Before I knew what he was doing he lifted the fork and piled a little of the scrambled eggs onto it the lifted it to my mouth. I turned my head. I didn't need him spoon feeding me. I wasn't a baby. Heck I wasn't even life-threatening ill.  
  
"I can do it Trowa" I said, a little annoyance creeping into my voice.  
  
"Then do it"  
  
"I don't need you watching over me and babysitting me. I can take care of myself"  
  
"Yeah, that's why you got caught at the Oz base." Low blow. I was struck speechless. My only answer was I turned my head away from him to continue looking out of the window.  
  
"I'm sorry Heero, its just, your not well. You look like shit, in fact you smell like shit. Look…I know what happened…" I turned my head so fast I almost hit his still raised hand with the fork in it. "…It was my first day there. .. I didn't no what was happening…I just overheard some of the other soldiers talking about it… I realized it was you they were talking about. God, Heero I'm so sorry." He said, his eyes pleading with me to forgive him. I couldn't understand why he was pleading with me. It wasn't his fault, I didn't blame him. But my heart sank. He knew. HE KNEW. He might have told the others, they could know. Even if they didn't they'd see him treating me differently now. Everyone would know soon enough if they didn't already.  
  
"What is there to be sorry about. It happened, its over now. There's nothing you could have done to stop it."  
  
Trowa just lowered his head, unable to look into my eyes anymore.   
  
"Do the others know?" I had to know. I had to know what to expect.  
  
"No, I couldn't tell them. Not without talking to you first." Well at least they didn't know. Maybe I could stop them from ever finding out.  
  
"Trowa. I don't want your sympathy, and I don't want you treating me any differently than you did before this." I stared right into his eyes, trying to force him to understand with them.   
  
He nodded his head. "alright."  
  
There was silence for a while, then "Heero, you have to eat something." He brought the fork with the eggs back up to my mouth. I realized I wasn't going to be getting rid of him unless I showed him I would eat. I wasn't strong enough right now to force him out. I accepted the food, chewing on the egg slowly. Trowa refilled the fork and brought it back to my mouth. After I had finished the eggs, the slice of toast with raspberry jam on it, and the glass of water, Trowa seemed satisfied. I looked back out the window, hoping he would leave soon. However, luck was not with me anymore, not that it ever was. Trowa's strong hands reached for my chin and made me turn my head so I was facing him again. I was starting to get an uneasy feeling again. He leaned forward and kissed the side of my mouth lightly. "crumb" was his only explanation for the act. He must have realized the awkward position he had put us in when he saw my wide eyes staring at him, for get got up and left with the empty place and glass in his hand.  
  
He kissed me. Trowa kissed me. God this was not good. Not good at all. What did this mean? did this mean I had to look out for him? Was it just a one time thing? Does he having feelings like that for me? And if so, what do I do now? I had to leave here, but where could I go. I found myself in a need to keep going. I didn't like the idea of being in one place for too long, and even though I had only just gotten here, I felt like I had to leave, had to get out of here, and had to do it alone. Another knock made me lose my original track of thought and start a new one: who is it? Should I let them in? what if its Trowa again? Than what do I do? What if Trowa told one of the other pilots what happened in here? Why could everyone just leave me alone?  
  
"Heero, …its me……Duo…" Duo, I hadn't spoken to him since I'd returned.   
  
"Come in Duo" I sighed. I had been frightened about this moment. I didn't want to face Duo. I don't know why either. I was afraid of what he might think if he found out. What would happen to our friendship. Duo was the only pilot I was close to, despite my attempts to stop it. I didn't want to lose his friendship, and I didn't want to be scared to tell him. Since when was I scared to say what I felt? Never, I just never showed emotion, but if something bothered me, I told someone. But this was different somehow. This was personal. I wasn't good with feelings, especially my own, and I wasn't good at expressing myself or at revealing my past.   
  
Duo walked into a room a little shyly. He closed the door slowly and softly behind him. I was still sitting in the armchair, so Duo walked over and sat in the chair that Trowa had been in not to long before.   
  
"Heero, I have to talk to you" he said in a shaky voice. Duo, in a shaky voice? Now I knew something was wrong. He always talked in a strong and confident voice, but now it was weak, soft and shaky!  
  
"Hn"  
  
"Heero,…I was…so…worried about you. I thought I had lost you." Lost me? Why was he saying that? "I have f-feelings for you Heero. I can't explain it, but I've been drawn to you since..since I first met you." He looked away before continuing, "these past two weeks have been hell for me, I didn't know where you where or what had happened to you. I had feared the worst….You mean so much to me…I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you." He stopped, a single tear slid down his pale face. He looked like hell, he had bags under his eyes from not sleeping well, and it looked like he had even lost a little weight. All of a sudden I found his arms around me again. "I…I…l-love…you…Heero" he whispered into my ear before burying his head in the crook of my neck.   
  
I couldn't believe it. It was to much for me to take. I stood up abruptly, throwing Duo off of me in my hast to get away.   
  
What is going on here? Why is everyone suddenly so interested in me? First I'm raped, then one of my close friends kisses me and then the other tells me he loves me! This was not good. True, I had feelings for Duo, but love? I don't think I've ever felt love for anyone. At least I don't think so. I don't have any strong overpowering emotions for Duo, so I'm assuming I don't love him like that.   
  
Duo stood up and saw my panicked expression. I was still weak on my feet, and I was walking backwards in a foreign room, so I was not making much progress in the 'get away from Duo' department. He realized this and easily made his way over to me. I had run into a wall before he reached me, and was trying to save myself and leave the wall when he finally caught up to me and pinned me there, grabbing my wrists and holding then just above my head.  
  
He smiled evilly at me. 'o shit Heero, that does not look like a good sign' I said to myself, and I was right. Duo's face came closer to mine until we were inches apart.   
  
"Don't try to deny it Heero, I know you feel something for me. There is no way this could be a one way connection. I feel to much for you, for you to not return it." And with that his lips met mine in a light kiss. I was breathing hard now, I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. Not him. Not the one person I trusted the most. His lips met mine again, but harder this time, his tongue tracing my lips before seeking entrance. I didn't grant it to him. Unlike the large guy from the base, Duo didn't force his way in. I was thankful for that but I started to panic again when his lips met my neck and started sucking. He started of soft, but then started sucking harder and harder. I gasped, it was starting to hurt. He was marking me. The others would no what happened now. Even if I wore a turtleneck they would know. It was to hot for turtlenecks, and I didn't own any. My legs gave out under me, but Duo was strong and kept me from falling. He kept sucking on my neck as we slid to the floor. I felt a dampness at my eyes. Was it tears? Was I…crying? Being raped by some guy I didn't know in a violent, painful way hadn't brought tears to my eyes. But having my closest friend corner me and kiss me and suck on my neck made me cry. This is why I didn't make alliances, why I kept away from people. Because the ones I always get close to are the ones who hurt me the most. If I don't know them, they can't touch me inside. But if I know them, and I care about them, then they can ripe me apart, without even toughing me. 


	5. Forgiven

Warnings: yeah not sure, but you should prob be at least over 16 or 17. I donno how far I'll take it.  
  
Discclaimer: All mine. Yeah, I bought Gundam Wing yesterday. Seriously. Well ok it was only a poster but its close enough for me.   
  
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Chapter 5: Forgiven   
  
Duo didn't continue after that. I was prepared for a full onslaught, but he must have realized what he was doing and he pulled away.  
  
"Oh God. I'm so sorry Heero." He said as he stood up. I just curled up into a ball on the floor where he had left me. I didn't look at him. Instead I became fascinated with the weaving in the carpet, following it and admiring the detail.   
  
"Heero, please forgive me. I just…I just…I got carried away. I've been so worried about you, I haven't spelt, I've had more coffee then I care to think about. I've been popping all sorts of pills to stop the pain in my chest and my pounding headaches. I didn't mean to do that. Honest. I…I just got so caught up in seeing you. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I promise." He sounded so sincere. I couldn't stay mad at him. At least not in a way that he could see. On the outside I had to forgive him and act as if everything was OK and back to normal, but on the inside I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not yet anyway.  
  
"It's OK Duo." I still didn't meet his eyes. I herd him sigh in relief.  
  
"I'll leave you alone, you could use some rest." And with that he turned and left the room.   
  
I sighed heavily and leaned back against the wall, heart racing and head pounding. I was lost in confusion, because even though I had been terrified of what Duo was going to do to me. And little part of me deep inside didn't want him to stop. In fact it liked what Dup was doing, it enjoyed the close contact of our two bodies. It wanted Duo to go further than he did, and even though I wasn't going to be leaving my room anytime soon, it wanted Duo to come back and continue where he left off.   
  
I quickly brushed that out of my mind. I was not in the right state of mind. I needed more rest and time to be alone. The next person who knocked was going to have to talk to me from the opposite side of the door. I was not letting anyone in until I was damned ready.  
  
------  
  
A week went by and I hadn't seen any of the pilots. The hicky on my neck was barely visible anymore, I figured I could just wear my jacket and no one would even notice it. Even though it was a little warm for the jacket, it wasn't uncommon for me to wear it. I was almost inseparable with it. I took it everywhere, even if I wasn't wearing it.   
  
I decided I needed a shower. In my attempt to avoid the other pilots, I had missed taking a shower. I desperately needed one. I walked to the bathroom and found that no one was currently using it. I walked into the large room. It was seriously the same size as my bedroom, and the toilet was in its own separate part. The tub was in the middle of the room with a shower on the wall next to it. To the left of the tub was a door which lead to the toilet and one sink, the other, larger sink was to the right of the tub. And the tub itself could fit 6 people comfortably. It was like a Jacuzzi! I filled the tub and filled it with bubbles, and stripped. The water was hot, but not burning. It felt nice against my skin.   
  
I sank in slowly, so as not to burn the sensitive parts of my skin, especially near my bruises and wounds, in the hot water. It felt so nice. The radio was on in the background. Duo was obviously the last person in here because it was playing a "Puddle of Mud" CD. I didn't mind, I liked most of Duo's music, though I would never admit it to him. I like making him think I was into the classical stuff, which I did like, but only when I really needed to relax or concentrate. But punk and alternative were my favorite. It was so nice to just grove to the music and lose all thought and concentration, just let lose. What a relief it was to let lose (on the few occasions I have). I plan on turning over a new leaf. I plan to show the real me, not this fake 'perfect soldier' crap everyone takes me for. I mean what is that? 'Perfect soldier'?? Who the hell thought that one up? I was no better than the rest! They say my Gundam is one of the strongest. Well bullshit. I don't believe that for a minute. The only reason its so good is cause of the beam cannon, so if that's all that makes me the 'perfect soldier' give the others one of 'em. Then we can all be the 'perfect soldier' and I wouldn't have to have all this responsibilities!!!   
  
I dunked under the water, completely submerging my head. I liked to see how long I could hold my breath. 56 seconds. I was slacking. I use to be able to do it for 2 minutes. Scared the crap out of Duo the first time I did it. He thought I had drowned. You shoulda seen his face. He was so scared looking, I couldn't stop laughing. He made me promise I would never do that again to him. So I started to do it all the time. Whenever I could. I practiced in the tub so that when I was with him I could hold it longer.   
  
"Don't try to deny it Heero, I know you feel something for me. There is no way this could be a one way connection. I feel to much for you, for you to not return it." Duo's voice came back to me. "I know you feel something for me." Was he right? Here I was in the tub thinking about him with a smile on my face. I couldn't do that with the other guys. "I feel to much for you." Why? What did I do? How should I act around him now? Should I try to see if maybe I DO have feelings for him as well, or should I pretend nothing has even happened between us? I don't know. I guess I'll just wait and see which ever will work the best when the time comes.   
  
The water was starting to get cold. I had been in the tub for a while now. I got out and dried off. Unfortunately I had forgotten to bring my clothes in with me, so I wrapped the towel around my waist, and put my shirt back on and sprinted to my room. When I got there I saw the door was slightly cracked open. Not a good sign. I had shut it when I left to take the shower. I swung the door open forcefully, hoping to catch whoever was inside off guard. My heart skipped a beat when I saw who it was. Releana. Shit. What was she doing here?  
  
"Oh, Heero!! I heard what happened and that you were back. I came to see you. To see how you were doing." She ran over to me to hug me. I put my arm out to stop her. She just looked at me funny for a second before bypassing my arm and circling her arms around me. That was it. I had had enough, and I didn't need this brainless bitch bothering me. I shoved her away, a little more forcefully than I had been planning to do.   
  
"Heero, what's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?"  
  
"No"  
  
"Oh come on Heero, don't play"  
  
"Releana, how did you get in here?" I asked her. I knew the other pilots knew I hated her and would have told her I was to sick to see her.  
  
"Rashid let me in." ah, there's my answer. Rashid new I didn't like Releana, but for some reason he thought I disliked him as well, and he did everything possible to make my life a living hell without having it upset Quatre. I was going to get him for this.   
  
"I see. Well if you'll please leave, I'm not feeling well and I…"  
  
"Oh, say no more! I'll go and fix some soup up for you and help you with anything so that you can be comfortable!" she smiled her ridiculous smile that just made her look like even more of an idiot.  
  
"NO, Releana. Just GO AWAY!" I practically shouted at her.   
  
"What's going on here?" I heard a male voice say behind me. Duo. I never thought I'd be so happy to see, or rather hear him.  
  
"Oh nothing" chimed Releana  
  
"She won't leave me alone" I told him.  
  
"Ah. Releana, I think you should come with me. Heero really needs his rest." Duo took har arm lightly in his hand and began to escort her away. I slipped inside my room quickly after mouthing a 'thank you' to him to which he replied in the same way 'no problem.' That was a close one. To close if you ask me. I was seriously going to have to have a talk with Rashid and figure out our relationship so that we could come to an understanding and stop trying to piss each other off. A little while later I heard a knock on the door.   
  
"Come in" I said. I know I said I wasn't going to let anyone in, but I lied. I wished it was Duo because I really had to talk to him and I wanted to see him. Locking myself up for the past week had really helped me clear my mind, and I think I might have feelings for him. Even though a little while in the tub I wasn't sure, just hearing his voice in the hall gave me a tingling feeling all over. To my relief it was Duo who had knocked.  
  
"hey Heero, missed ya. You haven't left your room in a while. Which ya…is kinda my fault I guess…"  
  
"No, Duo, I…" I didn't know what to say. Course that wasn't unusual for me, but I really needed to say something now. I couldn't let it end like this. I saw him start to look away, uncomfortable with the current situation. "I need to talk to you Duo." He looked at me. His violet eyes shining in the light. "I…do have feelings for you…Duo. I'm just not sure…how much." I stopped, had I just said the right thing? I guess so cause Duo's eyes lit up.   
  
"Yeah? You sure, I mean I was kinda harsh on ya, and I don't want ya to think I' was forcing you to feel anything, I was kinda intoxicated that night"  
  
"No, I definitely feel something." It was true. I loved being in Duo's company. I loved the way he looked at me, and how we could talked to each other with such ease. "Really…" He stepped closer to me, slowly, until we where standing an arms length apart.   
  
It was to much for me, I closed the space between us and nervously brought my head closer to his before stopping. What was I doing? Had I gone completely insane? This was one of my friends, a co-worker in a way, and not to mention a guy!!! I started to pull back. Duo, realizing what must have been going through my head closed the gap. He laid his lips lightly over mine before deepening it. It was an amazing feeling and I just sunk into it. This time when he asked for permission I allowed his tongue to enter my mouth, as he allowed mine to enter his. We explored each others mouths for a while before stopping for some much needed air. He was wonderful. "Why?" I asked  
  
"Why what?" he responded  
  
"Why me, what did I ever do?"  
  
"Nothing. You were just you." Ha! I got him there, I have never been just me. I have never revealed the true me to anyone.  
  
"But you don't know me. Just like you I wear a mask."   
  
"Yeah, but the mask is who you are. You created the mask. Even if someone helped you, you were the creator. Even though your not who you would have been if you weren't a pilot, your still you, and I love that." I was completely lost with what.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Heero, your amazing, your powerful, strong, smart,… deadly" he said that one with a smile, " and not to mention sexy as all hell! How could I not love you?" I was struck dumbfounded. Now I was really lost. Was he off his rocker?   
  
"Heero, just stop doubting me and listen, you obviously feel something like I thought you did. Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation because firstly you would not have allowed it to progress this far, and secondly you would not have brought it up." He did have a point there, "there is nothing you can say that will make me not love you, unless you told me you were going to kill me and then did. That might put a damper on our relationship, but other than that I am willing to work through anything. I know your not use to this kind of thing, but that's OK. I'll help you, I'll take it slow, I'll make sure your comfortable at all times. I promise." I knew he was telling the truth. His eyes were silently pleading with me to trust him. "Do you trust me Heero?"  
  
It was a simple question. Do I trust him? Well yes, I trust him with my life, I always have and always will.  
  
"Yes"   
  
"Then will you let me love you and be with you?"  
  
"….yes" it was a whisper but it was loud enough for him to hear. He smiled and embraced me in a tight hug. Amazingly I hugged him back without even realizing what I was doing. The emotions flowing threw me were amazing, I had never felt anything like them before in my life. I knew then that I had made the right decision. I loved Duo.  
  
-----  
  
Alrighty then, its over. It sucked I know, but I really didn't like it. I finished it cause I hate it when people don't finish fics. It was not heading where I wanted it to go, and I didn't know how to change it without changing everything. So I'm going to try a new one. Hang in with me, though I don't know how many people are reading this, so I don't know how many care. I want to try to write a 2x1 fic, where duo is the dominate one and the violent one, cause I don't like seeing all the fics where Heero is so violent towards Duo. I think it works better the other way. I donno if anyone agrees with me, but if they do and have any ideas and are willing to share them I would greatly appreciate it. Just e-mail them to me! 


End file.
